Wait, What Was I Saying?

I love, adore, cherish being a mom to three beautiful, smart, awesome, funny children. But I've come to realize that I've been slowly losing my mind since 2003 when I became pregnant with my first child.

I had heard other moms talk about it -- that having a baby sucks away some of your working brain cells -- but I denied that it could or would ever happen to me. Not to ME.

Yet I find myself losing my train of thought (in both speech and in writing), forgetting where I put things, forgetting what I was . . .wait, what was I saying?

I think part of the problem is that I have three worthy distractions now. My mind wanders to what THEY need, what THEY want, etc. This leaves very little for mommy. And that's OK . . . most of the time. But now that I'm trying to do more of a true work-from-home gig (rather than freelancing for online sites like Suite101 and Textbroker), I'm having a tough time staying focused and on-task.

LISTS are my saving grace. I'm a list-maker. I love lists. If I could have married a list, I would have. (But then I'd be rather lonely, so maybe not such a great idea.)

And I've realized it's all about balance. Bad news for me . . .I've always been a bit off-balance.

Still . . . I'll keep making my lists and try to remember where I put my purse, where I left the baby, and what I was saying. Wait, did I leave the oven on?

Thankful . . .

I'm thankful for so many things in my life . . . my husband, my kids, my entire family.

But what I'm most thankful for right now is that this year is almost over. This has been a really, really crappy year for us. It just sucked in so many ways.

2011 is going to be the best year yet. I'm demanding it. It WILL happen.

Sleep is Soooooo Overrated When Cuddles Are Involved

I also thought I could title this blog entry as "Other Jobs I Could Do That Require No Sleep." 

I guess I just don't know how to use "The Secret" correctly. And praying for sleep just isn't getting it done either. All three kiddos were up at some point last night (deja vu? I think I've posted that exact sentence way too many times). 

I like to sleep. Who am I kidding? I LOVE to sleep. I could sleep 12-14 hours, if a few little people I know would let me. 

And I know, I know. This is just that stage of parenting: little kids don't sleep well and we have to wait until the stage when they do sleep. But surely there is a way to TEACH them to sleep better. Or better yet, a way to teach them to simply go back to sleep after they wake up in the wee hours of the night. 

A conversation with my four-year-old:

Me: So, Alex, why do you think you keep climbing into my bed in the middle of the night?

Alex: Because, because . . .because . . .you keep carrying me back into my bed when I get into your bed, but I want to cuddle you. Don't you want to cuddle me?

Me: Of course, I want to cuddle you . . .I just prefer to cuddle in the middle of the day. 

Alex: But I like to cuddle you always! . . . I love you, Mama.

OK, OK . . . I know. My kiddos are pretty freaking awesome. And I'm lucky and blessed to have them. And I want to appreciate these middle of the night cuddles because I know they won't last forever. Yeah, I may be able to sleep through the night then, but I'll be honest, I will miss the cuddles. 

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As a friend said to me yesterday: "Being a mom is fun; being a parent is a pain."

Using The Secret

As I went to bed last night, I told Chris that I was going to use "The Secret" and simply will myself (and the kids) to have a good night's sleep.

And it worked! . . . well, sort of.

Alex got into bed with us at some point in the wee hours of the night, but I managed to sleep through most of his thrashing and wailing and grinding of teeth and kicking. And the other two kiddos slept through the night.

So now tonight, instead of willing us all to sleep well, I'm going to will everyone to sleep in his or her OWN bed! It'll happen, right?!

Kickboxing. Sport of the Future.

As I snuggled with my littlest one in the wee hours of the night last night (in between snuggles with his big brother), I was thinking about one of the posts I read yesterday from one of the blogs that I follow.

Scary Mommy Blog (great, funny blog!)

Imagine yourself at 16 years . . . what would you say to your 16-year-old self if you could go back and tell her things? So many things to think about  . . . Seriously, what would you NOT say to your teenage self? I guess mostly, that worrying about what other people think of you really isn't worth the energy. And I really wish I weren't as shy as I was.

So my mind then jumped to my favorite movie: Say Anything. (So many awesome lines from that movie, "Kickboxing. Sport of the future.")

Say Anything Trailer

There is just something about that movie that I love. I loved it when I was 16 too. And then I realized . . .that was 20 freaking years ago! TWENTY years, people. Twenty YEARS!

How did that happen?! How did that many years pass by already?

And then I thought . . . hmmmm . . . . looking twenty years ahead . . . what would my 56-year-old self say to my current-day self?

I'm guessing it'll be something like make sure to cherish the time with the kids, it goes by too fast (well, duh!), save, save, save, and that this too shall pass. We're having a tough time right now. Life is hard. Life is expensive. Life can be sucky when people screw you over. But I'm hopeful that the 56-year-old version of me would calm me down and reassure me that things WILL get better.

I'm also willing to bet that my future self probably won't be telling me that kickboxing is indeed the sport of the future. But wouldn't that be cool?

And God said . . .

A very wise (and sleepy) 4-year-old little boy told me last night that he's pretty sure that God told him that he didn't have to sleep.

Thanks, God. Thanks a lot.

An Update on Sleep (or the Lack Thereof)

Sleep remains elusive. Well, let me clarify that. GOOD, quality sleep remains elusive.

While Maddie tends to sleep well 9 out of 10 nights, she has nightmares, walks in her sleep, talks in her sleep. You name it, she's got it. Not bad though. I can handle that one night every so often.

Alex . . . oh, Alex . . . why won't you sleep . . . in your own freaking big boy bed?! My little man turned four on October 16. Alas, my dreams were dashed when Alex did not suddenly turn into the world's best sleeper once four years hit (at 10:50 a.m., I might add). No, no. He's still making his way into our king-size bed at least once, often twice, a night.

Nate turns two years old in two weeks. Crazy! And his sleeping (or lack thereof, lest we forget) habits are pitiful. Pitiful! He falls asleep like a dream, but he too is up once or twice a night.

I'm tired. Being a mommy means being tired. I know that. I realize that. I'm living that.

It helps that I love these three little ones with my whole (and tired) heart.

I did it!

I did it! I actually posted again. I'm on a roll!

Halloween was a lot of fun! Kids had a blast at our neighbors' annual grill-out blast before the trick-or-treating festivities.

Alex: Wow! I really love this Halloween. (this said BEFORE we even went trick-or-treating!)

For the first year ever, I walked with Chris and the kids. It was so much fun to see how excited they were! It was great weather here too, so that made it great. Plus, we have some really creative neighbors who are really in to Halloween. Fun!

Some pix of our trick-or-treaters . . .

And Chris got out the Mind Flex game, per Alex's instruction. Here is Natey trying his hand, er, mind, at it for the first time. Awesomeness.

Long Time, No Post (and Happy Halloween!)

Well, it's certainly been a while, hasn't it? You'd think a writer would be better at posting on her own blog, but alas, life as a mommy gets in the way . . . (um, in a good way! I'm busy, OK.)

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Today is Halloween.

The kids keep asking when trick-or-treating is going to start. This is when a child's lack of understanding of the concept of time can be challenging.

Maddie: So, Mama, when is trick-or-treating? How many more hours? (asked at 11:20 a.m.)

Me: Well, at least another six hours or so, Mad.

Maddie: Ugh! That's too long! I'll never last six hours!

Me: Well, we'll just have to try.

Me to Alex: Buddy, why are you trying to open that closet (in which hides the costumes for tonight's activities).

Alex: Oh, Mama, I was just going to check on Darth Gator (yes, Gator) to make sure he's doing OK in there.

Natey: Trick-or-treat! Wait, wait . . .Happy Halloween!

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Maddie is going as a witch; Alex is "Darth Gator" and Nate . . .well, it depends on the weather. He's either going to be Brobee (from Yo Gabba Gabba), Thomas the Train, or he'll wear his Superman pajamas that come complete with a velco-attached cape. It should make for some good pictures.

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One last thing . . . Alex is pretty freaking adorable when he's wearing his Darth Vader costume and says, as only a four-year-old can say: "Luke, I am your fodder."

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Happy Halloween!!

"A Marker Just Fell on My American Girl!"

>

My sweet, emotional, caring, empathetic, compassionate girl, Maddie, is very tender hearted (as you can imagine by the descriptors I've used here). I'm trying to make sure she isn't afraid to tell me anything and everything.

But I guess that worry about getting in trouble is an inherent worry for all little kids.

My darling daughter was playing with her American Girl doll and her Target-brand Our Generation dolls in her room after school today. She yelled down to me: "Mama, can we dye my American Girl's hair?" Um, no, no we can't.

So after another half hour . . . she came downstairs crying. "Mama, I need to tell you something. There was an accident."

My first thought was she had somehow hurt herself or one of her brothers, but no, in her world this was something far worse.

"Mama, I was playing with my American Girl doll . . .and a marker fell on her head! . . . and now, she has orange hair." Tears, and more tears.

I said to her: "Mad, it's OK, but I'm wondering if a marker REALLY 'fell' on your doll . . . or if perhaps you tried to dye her hair . . ."

You decide . . .

We had a talk about being honest, and that I would rather her make a mistake and tell me the truth about it. She seemed to get it. We'll see the next time her American Girl needs a makeover!

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In other news . . . Natey took a tumble in the driveway this morning. It's a sloped driveway, and he just couldn't quite manage it. Poor little man!

He cried when he fell, but was over it so quickly and back to his happy self. Love him!

Some Pictures . . .

This is my second attempt to add some pictures . . .not sure where in cyberspace my first attempt landed. Hm . . .

Oh My!

Oh my! That just about sums up my week: oh my!

Trying to get a six-year-old to agree to keep her eyes open while you put eye drops in is an exercise in futility. Seriously. She is going to have pink eye for the rest of her life.

Trying to get a three-year-old to not push his baby brother over every.single.time he approaches him is another exercise in futility. There is no stopping him. He is going to be a linebacker, and I (and his baby brother) will be able to tell him "we knew you when."

Trying to get a 15-month-old to understand that standing up in the bathtub is not a good idea is, yep, you guessed it, an exercise in futility . . .at least until he gets a bit older. He's lucky he's super cute.

Oh my! Now we just have to get through Friday . . .and onto another week. Hoping for healthy kiddos for next week! We need a break from the sickies.

Oh my, indeed!

A Second Article - Homemade Baby Foods

I forgot to post my second article for Suite 101. Check it out (although you probably already have -- and I thank you for that!).

I've made a whopping $.28 so far. (And yes, that's cents, not dollars!) So I'm not going to get rich from these articles, but it's nice to have something published.

Working on two more articles, but it's slow going. I need to publish 10 articles by mid-April, so send me your article ideas!! I need some new ideas.

Anyhoo . . .here's the link to the second article on homemade baby foods:

http://infantstoddlers.suite101.com/article.cfm/homemade-baby-foods-made-simple

A Birthday, Valentine's Day, and Pink Eye

I turned 36 last week. Why is it that I feel like I'm 12, but when I look in the mirror the gray hair and wrinkles tell me that yep, I'm 36.

Had a terrible birthday. Just a sucky kind of day where you know it's going to be sucky from the moment you get up in the morning. I got through the day though, and the next day was much easier.

My kiddos were delighted by some Valentine's Day cards and presents from me and Daddy/Chris (my sweet hubby) -- sweetly purchased by Daddy. Maddie got two books, Alex got a Yo Gabba Gabba video, and Natey got a Baby Einstein DVD. And Chris got roses for me. Lovely! I got gum for him . . . he's doing P90X and following the diet, so gum was about the only thing that would work (and keep us on budget).

And to top off the crappy birthday/sweet Valetine's Day . . . Alex (our 3-year-old) got pink eye. Took him the doc to discover that he also had a terrible ear infection. Terrible, truly terrible, ear infection. That would explain his possessed-like behavior at the doc office that morning.

And then today . . . yep, looks like Maddie (our 6-year-old) has pink eye too.

Hey, at least my kids share!

It's the Simple Things

I haven't been feeling very well. Natey is sick with a sinus infection and strep throat, and I may have a touch of that. So today was a mediocre day . . . full of the typical stresses with the addition of a sore throat, aches, fever, etc.

Sometimes though it's just the simple things that can make the day seem a little bit better . . .

Maddie's drawing of a horse -- wow! Just wow! That girl can draw.

Alex playing Little Big Planet like the world depends upon his success in this game. "But Mama, I NEED to fly up and catch that . . ."

Natey . . .nearly falling as he ran toward the back of my legs and grabbed on . . .with big giggles as he clutched at the back of my knees.

It's really amazing how the simple things can fill up this Mama's heart.

A Good Night's Sleep Does Wonders . . .

Natey slept nine hours last night! Meaning: I got to sleep SEVEN hours STRAIGHT!! It was heaven.

I feel well rested today . . .and I haven't felt this way in a long, long time. It's a nice, nice feeling. ;)

Sleep, oh how I miss thee!

I love to sleep. I could sleep 10-12 hours and be very happy about it. Unfortunately, my children take after their Daddy and don't need much sleep to function happily.

It's funny, but lack of sleep is one of the toughest things for me about being a parent . . .especially a parent of a baby/toddler.

Nate (my 14-month-old) is still not sleeping through the night. Maddie and Alex were sleeping through the night by this age -- maybe up early for the day, but still sleeping through the night.

He was up twice last night -- both times to nurse (because, yes, while we've started weaning, we're still doing the middle of the night/early morning and bedtime nursing sessions). And he eats, he really eats both times. It's not like he's using me a pacifier -- unless I'm just an idiot -- he nurses for about 20 minutes each time.

And while I don't mind nursing my sweet boy, I often feel frustrated because I'm so exhausted. But I read a really moving story yesterday that reminded me once again of how blessed and lucky I am -- so I'm trying to cherish each and every moment I have with my children . . . even the middle of the night moments.

So sleep may be elusive for a bit longer, but that's OK . . . I'm going to cherish that time with my baby before he grows up and doesn't need me in quite the same way.

Thinking of My Babies . . .

I lost an angel baby two years ago this month. It was January 14, 2008. I was only about five weeks along, but she still was my little one, and I miss her.

I've thought of her -- and I call her "her" because her spirit felt like another little girl to me -- all month long, but not really sadly. Mostly, I'm grateful that she sent her baby brother Nathaniel on to us just two months after we lost her.

It's so surreal to find out that you're pregnant, to have so many hopes, dreams, wishes, and then very, very quickly to find out that that's not what's going to happen this time.

And people said, oh, well, at least it's an early loss, it's only a chemical pregnancy ... but it was a baby to me. My baby.

I had a dream the other week that when we get to heaven, our angel babies are the first to greet us. And I think she will be.

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It's been two years, so you'd think that the loss would be lessened. And in a way, it is, but not gone, not forgotten. I'm so thankful that I have little Nate to watch grow and change.

And so, so grateful to have two other little ones to keep me on my toes and to cherish and love as well.

I'm a lucky, lucky mom . . .even when I'm tired, I'm still lucky and loved. So blessed.

Pictures . . .

Let's see if I can post a picture or two . . .

My Maddie . . .

Time to talk about my six-year-old. My one and only daughter. My Maddie.

She just turned six on January 2. I still can't quite believe that she's six. She's six! Wow.

She is a whirlwind of six-year-oldness. So happy most of the time, with a bit of cranky attitude and mopiness thrown in . . . enough, I think, to give us a good hint of what sort of teenager she'll be (just like ME).

She is so smart, seriously smart. And she loves to learn. You can see that in her already -- her desire to learn more about everything and anything (perhaps she gets that from her engineer father). And even better, she's also amazingly coordinated and athletic.

But if I had to pick one quality that I'm in awe of . . .it's her compassion. She hates for other people to feel bad or sad or to be picked on or made fun of or teased.

And it's like she knows, she just knows, exactly how to make that person feel better. Whether it's a note, a hug, a touch on the shoulder, a kind word, Maddie just knows.

And man, I love her so much. And as I tell her all the time, she's my favorite daughter. ;)

I Know Why I'm Tired . . .

Long days playing with kids . . .and then working on my laptop into the late hours. It's no wonder that I'm tired!

I'm Published!

Woohoo! My first article for Suite 101 was published!

http://breastfeeding.suite101.com/article.cfm/breastfeeding_help_when_baby_bites

Maybe I'll make a few pennies from it this month! ;) Cool!

Can't Get Enough of That Dinosaur Poop

My three-year-old son, Alex, loves a new show on PBS Kids called Dinosaur Train. It's very cute and clever; however, we've seen this one particular episode many, many times now.

And it's all about dinosaur poop.

I.love.it.

The little kid dinosaur characters think they are sitting on giant boulders . . .until they are told that it's actually big mounds of dino dung.

I think I like it because even a mommy can appreciate the humor of poop. Especially a mommy who is potty training her little boy!

Alex is doing awesome with potty training. I'm proud to report that just as Dinosaur Train told us, everyone poops, including my Alex. He is even waking in the night if he has to go to the bathroom.

We're still working on his fear of the big potty -- he's still sticking with the kid potty on the floor for now -- but he will occasionally tackle the big boy toilet.

And we're continuing to be inspired by dinosaur poop!

We're Weaning? We're Weaning.

So my 14-month-old son has decided to wean. I thought it was me leading this weaning process, but I'm slowly realizing that it's Nate doing the leading here.

I have many mixed emotions about this. Nate is my baby, my last baby. I've never nursed this long before. My other two kiddos only nursed until they were nine months.

He's only nursed twice each day for the past two days -- morning and night. For the first time ever, he took a nap after I offered him a formula bottle. In the two weeks since I started offering the bottle, he'll typically take some of the bottle and then want to nurse to "top things off" before he falls asleep. But nope, yesterday it was all bottle.

We're concerned about a milk allergy, so he's on the soy formula for now. And the kid digs it!

It's nice to be on the road to having my body (and my boobs) all to myself again . . .but breastfeeding is such a unique bond . . .and it's making me feel a bit sad to know that we're almost done with that part of our relationship. My baby boy is growing up!

As a little girl, I always dreamed of having children. And now I'm living the dream . . .I just never knew the dream would be this tiring.

Don't get me wrong -- being a mom is one (well, three ;) of the most amazing things I've ever done in my life. It's just that, well, quite honestly, I like sleep. I like it a lot. I need sleep. But I'm not getting enough sleep . . .and I probably won't for a few more years.

And that's OK. My kids are my priority right now. That's this stage of life for me. And while exhausting . . .it's the best time. And in the scheme of things . . .hoping to raise three happy, healthy kids . . . getting good sleep isn't quite as important.