I've thought of her -- and I call her "her" because her spirit felt like another little girl to me -- all month long, but not really sadly. Mostly, I'm grateful that she sent her baby brother Nathaniel on to us just two months after we lost her.
It's so surreal to find out that you're pregnant, to have so many hopes, dreams, wishes, and then very, very quickly to find out that that's not what's going to happen this time.
And people said, oh, well, at least it's an early loss, it's only a chemical pregnancy ... but it was a baby to me. My baby.
I had a dream the other week that when we get to heaven, our angel babies are the first to greet us. And I think she will be.
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It's been two years, so you'd think that the loss would be lessened. And in a way, it is, but not gone, not forgotten. I'm so thankful that I have little Nate to watch grow and change.
And so, so grateful to have two other little ones to keep me on my toes and to cherish and love as well.
I'm a lucky, lucky mom . . .even when I'm tired, I'm still lucky and loved. So blessed.
Those angel babies are really special! It doesn't matter how early the loss is, or how late the loss is. What hurts the most is the fact that we lost all of the hopes and dreams that come along with a baby! {{hugs}}
ReplyDeleteThis post just brought tears to my eyes. Someone once told me, and it could have been you, that we never really heal from a loss like that. And it's true. The loss doesn't leave you, it just changes shape. I'm convinced the two little ones I lost are up there, waiting to meet me when He calls me. I'll get to hold them and tell them how much they were loved, even though I never 'met' them. Keeping lost ones in your heart helps you appreciate what you have. It's just awful that it has to happen at all.
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