My Bartending Gig at Club LG (Breastfeeding 'Til Dawn!)

My second job is one of the best gigs I've ever had! I'm bartending at Club LG. It's very exclusive, and the dress code is pretty strict (diapers and pajamas only), but the tips (kisses and drooling) are awesome!

My sleep-deprived mommy-of-four brain likes to think happy thoughts as I'm struggling to stand up at 2 a.m. to comfort, console, and nurse my nearly 13-month-old baby girl.

I never was much of a partier in high school and college. Sure, I had my share of late nights at parties, concerts (10,000 Maniacs, Depeche Mode, anyone?), or even studying or writing papers (I really miss writing papers, really I do!). But partying was never my thing.

But meeting the needs of a helpless baby in the middle of the night is a kind of partying. And doesn't every baby deserve her own nightclub? Just look at this face! And her onesie says it all.

I know this party won't last forever.

She'll sleep through the night eventually—whether we continue nursing or not. But right now, we're dealing with growth spurts, learning spurts, new teeth, and illnesses (another ear infection!), all of which affect our breastfeeding schedule and LG's need to nurse.

The week she got all four of her teeth (yes, four in the same week) was sheer agony for both of us. Apparently, the hours between 2 and 5 a.m. are prime teething times, at least for my baby girl. She would wake to nurse, latch on, eat for a bit, then proceed to bite me like she was royally pissed off at me. (Like Mama has any control over when her teeth come in!) And the anticipation of that bite made me a nervous nurser. I think babies can sense fear. But really, any sane person would be fearful of being bitten in a sensitive spot. It hurts! . . . NOT a fun time at Club LG.

But again, I know this party won't last forever. She's my last baby. My last little nursling. Breastfeeding hasn't always been easy (and still isn't always easy!), but I'm glad we have that special bond and special time together in the wee hours of the night when everyone else in the house is asleep. I like to think of it as our exclusive club, and really, it is.

Welcome to Club LG. I'm the bartender and only breastmilk is served (ID required).

Please note: Maximum occupancy at Club LG is limited to two. 

Mission Accomplished: Insanity Achieved!

It's official! Maybe even officially official! I've achieved insanity — the level of insanity one can only achieve by mothering more kids than she ever dreamed she'd have.

Our newest bundle of joy—our fourth baby and second daughter—arrived in late September, a week before my due date. Lily Grace is a blessing and a joy—really and truly! I simply can't imagine life without her. And while I never dreamed I'd have four kiddos, it works. Well, most of the time. OK, honestly, it works some of the time.

I'm still adjusting to the craziness of having four children (and honestly can't fathom how my Mom handled six kids, and how on earth my Grandma did it with 12 kiddos). Lily Grace is 4 1/2 months old now, and things are beginning to come together. She's showing her little, sweet, sunshiny personality, making the middle of the night nursing sessions so much easier to sleepwalk through. Her smile and laugh are amazing, but it's her eyes that get me every single time. She just "sees" me. My heart melts and skips a beat (any other heart cliches?) when she looks at me. 

Maybe this is something that only mothers get to see. And if so, I'm damn lucky. The look my sweet baby gives me is something so surreal. Like she just gets me. And that's a nice feeling when the rest of my world feels crazy and chaotic. 

My house is a mess with toys, arts and crafts, and Happy Meal toys strewn about. I have a constant—literally, constant—and steady stream of laundry to do. And I haven't slept a full night since . . . I'm guessing 2003, right before I got pregnant with Maddie (my 8-year-old daughter).

But I know that I'm lucky. Not everyone gets this opportunity. Not everyone gets to hold, kiss, hug, and love a child of their own. 

And these moments really and truly are fleeting. I look at Maddie and can't believe she's already eight. I vividly remember meeting her for the very first time, yet here she is—a walking, talking, running, horse-riding, soccer-playing, shy, friendly, fun, happy, imaginative eight-year-old. My boys seem to change overnight lately. Alex (my five-year-old) is crazy, but fun, loving, and pretty awesome. Nate (my three-year-old) is a sassy, back-talking ball of energy and love. And Lily Grace completes our little picture with her sweetness and babbles.

But MOST of these moments are hard. I'm exhausted, stressed out, over-extended, weepy, frustrated, and all the other things parenting is made up of. I read a pretty awesome article/blog that put it perfectly: Don't Carpe Diem. 

We really do have to live for THOSE moments. Those fleeting, wonderful, amazing moments when I have a special, unique, miraculous moment with my children. Those moments really do make it all worth it. And it's OK that not every moment is perfection. I'm not perfect, so why should my life be?!

Let the Countdown to Insanity Begin!

So at 30+ weeks prego with my fourth kiddo, I'm starting to count down the weeks before I become totally insane. I expect it. I can feel it coming. And I got a hint of it this week at the OB.

I'm already having contractions (nothing new for me; that's what I tend to do in pregnancy—contract early with no progress). And baby girl is already super low, so even she can sense the insanity is about to begin.

I was having some pressure/pain/contractions, so the OB had me come in for an NST (non-stress test) to check baby girl's activity level, my contractions, etc. Baby girl did well, but she kept moving off the heartbeat monitor. So our 15-20 minute NST turned into a 45 minute NST.

Now this wouldn't have been a big deal had I not had all three other children with me. An OB's office is not the ideal place to try to relax for an NST and monitor baby's movement. Seriously, what an oxymoron—having a non-stress test with three children running crazily around your chair. I kept my cool, but barely.

And the "if you're super awesomely behaved we'll get ice cream" promise had to go unfulfilled as none of the kids fit the bill of super awesome. Poor kiddos did stick it out for 2.5 hours of OB time, so I'll give them credit, but it still didn't justify an ice cream reward. (Oh, God, am I one of those mean parents?!)

In other baby news . . . we don't have a name yet. I *think* I know her name, but this is the first kiddo that I didn't have a bigger clue as to her name at this point in the pregnancy. We also don't have her nursery set up yet. Not a huge deal since *she* won't even notice if it's done or not, but I'll notice . . . so I need to work on it.

I also realized that I don't have a ton of baby clothes for this new princess. Hopefully she won't mind being seen in the same outfit more than once a week or so. ;)

I feel a bit of the insanity closing in around me already, but I also know there will be lots of good (but still insane) moments that will make it all worth it. Let the countdown begin!

Pacing Myself

Yes, my last post was in January. I just like to pace myself. Moving too fast can cause injury and might be construed as exercise.

Ah, so much to catch up on in here since the end of January. Some I'll share. Other things I could share, but then I'd have to kill you. And no one wants that.

Biggest news? I'm expecting baby #4. A fourth baby. A fourth kid. A fourth child. I'm still wrapping my head around it. My ability (or lack thereof) to handle four children is on my mind a lot . . . and never more so than when I'm stuck in a small room at the doctor's office with my three walking/talking/crazy kiddos (like today when I had to go to my GP to discover my husband shared his strep throat with me).

This baby girl (yep, it's a GIRL!) is an incredible miracle and blessing. And God sent her to us right when we needed her, but this pregnancy was unexpected so I'm struggling with a lot of anxiety and worry about HOW I'll be able to be a good mommy to four kiddos.

It's going to be ridiculously difficult. I know that. I'm bracing myself for that. I also know that there are going to be so many amazingly awesome things about having four kids -- including two boys and two girls at that!

I guess I need to take my own advice and just pace myself. One day at a time. And for now, one baby kick at a time.

P.S. To update my January post . . . um, no, we will NOT be getting a dog in the near future.

365 Days Until We Get a Dog

In my unending efforts to get my kids to sleep through the night, I've resorted to bribery.

If Alex, our four-year-old, sleeps in his own bed—all.night.long—for an entire year we will (probably) get a dog. Yes, 365 days (or nights) of sleeping in his very own big boy bed, on his own, without disturbing my or Dear Daddy's sleep.

So far . . . he's managed to sleep four nights in his room all night long. But we've had several nights in between those nights. He's only managed two nights in a row. But hey, that's progress! I'll take it! And man, he's so excited by this! He is proud of himself and thinks it's pretty cool that he's working toward the bigger goal of getting a family dog.

In addition to Alex's 365 day goal . . . I also told the kids that we can't get a dog until Nate, our two-year-old, is potty trained. I'm hoping this will encourage the older two kiddos to help with this training. ;)

Let the countdown begin!

Wait, What Was I Saying?

I love, adore, cherish being a mom to three beautiful, smart, awesome, funny children. But I've come to realize that I've been slowly losing my mind since 2003 when I became pregnant with my first child.

I had heard other moms talk about it -- that having a baby sucks away some of your working brain cells -- but I denied that it could or would ever happen to me. Not to ME.

Yet I find myself losing my train of thought (in both speech and in writing), forgetting where I put things, forgetting what I was . . .wait, what was I saying?

I think part of the problem is that I have three worthy distractions now. My mind wanders to what THEY need, what THEY want, etc. This leaves very little for mommy. And that's OK . . . most of the time. But now that I'm trying to do more of a true work-from-home gig (rather than freelancing for online sites like Suite101 and Textbroker), I'm having a tough time staying focused and on-task.

LISTS are my saving grace. I'm a list-maker. I love lists. If I could have married a list, I would have. (But then I'd be rather lonely, so maybe not such a great idea.)

And I've realized it's all about balance. Bad news for me . . .I've always been a bit off-balance.

Still . . . I'll keep making my lists and try to remember where I put my purse, where I left the baby, and what I was saying. Wait, did I leave the oven on?

Thankful . . .

I'm thankful for so many things in my life . . . my husband, my kids, my entire family.

But what I'm most thankful for right now is that this year is almost over. This has been a really, really crappy year for us. It just sucked in so many ways.

2011 is going to be the best year yet. I'm demanding it. It WILL happen.