Thinking of My Babies . . .

I lost an angel baby two years ago this month. It was January 14, 2008. I was only about five weeks along, but she still was my little one, and I miss her.

I've thought of her -- and I call her "her" because her spirit felt like another little girl to me -- all month long, but not really sadly. Mostly, I'm grateful that she sent her baby brother Nathaniel on to us just two months after we lost her.

It's so surreal to find out that you're pregnant, to have so many hopes, dreams, wishes, and then very, very quickly to find out that that's not what's going to happen this time.

And people said, oh, well, at least it's an early loss, it's only a chemical pregnancy ... but it was a baby to me. My baby.

I had a dream the other week that when we get to heaven, our angel babies are the first to greet us. And I think she will be.

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It's been two years, so you'd think that the loss would be lessened. And in a way, it is, but not gone, not forgotten. I'm so thankful that I have little Nate to watch grow and change.

And so, so grateful to have two other little ones to keep me on my toes and to cherish and love as well.

I'm a lucky, lucky mom . . .even when I'm tired, I'm still lucky and loved. So blessed.

Pictures . . .

Let's see if I can post a picture or two . . .

My Maddie . . .

Time to talk about my six-year-old. My one and only daughter. My Maddie.

She just turned six on January 2. I still can't quite believe that she's six. She's six! Wow.

She is a whirlwind of six-year-oldness. So happy most of the time, with a bit of cranky attitude and mopiness thrown in . . . enough, I think, to give us a good hint of what sort of teenager she'll be (just like ME).

She is so smart, seriously smart. And she loves to learn. You can see that in her already -- her desire to learn more about everything and anything (perhaps she gets that from her engineer father). And even better, she's also amazingly coordinated and athletic.

But if I had to pick one quality that I'm in awe of . . .it's her compassion. She hates for other people to feel bad or sad or to be picked on or made fun of or teased.

And it's like she knows, she just knows, exactly how to make that person feel better. Whether it's a note, a hug, a touch on the shoulder, a kind word, Maddie just knows.

And man, I love her so much. And as I tell her all the time, she's my favorite daughter. ;)

I Know Why I'm Tired . . .

Long days playing with kids . . .and then working on my laptop into the late hours. It's no wonder that I'm tired!

I'm Published!

Woohoo! My first article for Suite 101 was published!

http://breastfeeding.suite101.com/article.cfm/breastfeeding_help_when_baby_bites

Maybe I'll make a few pennies from it this month! ;) Cool!

Can't Get Enough of That Dinosaur Poop

My three-year-old son, Alex, loves a new show on PBS Kids called Dinosaur Train. It's very cute and clever; however, we've seen this one particular episode many, many times now.

And it's all about dinosaur poop.

I.love.it.

The little kid dinosaur characters think they are sitting on giant boulders . . .until they are told that it's actually big mounds of dino dung.

I think I like it because even a mommy can appreciate the humor of poop. Especially a mommy who is potty training her little boy!

Alex is doing awesome with potty training. I'm proud to report that just as Dinosaur Train told us, everyone poops, including my Alex. He is even waking in the night if he has to go to the bathroom.

We're still working on his fear of the big potty -- he's still sticking with the kid potty on the floor for now -- but he will occasionally tackle the big boy toilet.

And we're continuing to be inspired by dinosaur poop!

We're Weaning? We're Weaning.

So my 14-month-old son has decided to wean. I thought it was me leading this weaning process, but I'm slowly realizing that it's Nate doing the leading here.

I have many mixed emotions about this. Nate is my baby, my last baby. I've never nursed this long before. My other two kiddos only nursed until they were nine months.

He's only nursed twice each day for the past two days -- morning and night. For the first time ever, he took a nap after I offered him a formula bottle. In the two weeks since I started offering the bottle, he'll typically take some of the bottle and then want to nurse to "top things off" before he falls asleep. But nope, yesterday it was all bottle.

We're concerned about a milk allergy, so he's on the soy formula for now. And the kid digs it!

It's nice to be on the road to having my body (and my boobs) all to myself again . . .but breastfeeding is such a unique bond . . .and it's making me feel a bit sad to know that we're almost done with that part of our relationship. My baby boy is growing up!

As a little girl, I always dreamed of having children. And now I'm living the dream . . .I just never knew the dream would be this tiring.

Don't get me wrong -- being a mom is one (well, three ;) of the most amazing things I've ever done in my life. It's just that, well, quite honestly, I like sleep. I like it a lot. I need sleep. But I'm not getting enough sleep . . .and I probably won't for a few more years.

And that's OK. My kids are my priority right now. That's this stage of life for me. And while exhausting . . .it's the best time. And in the scheme of things . . .hoping to raise three happy, healthy kids . . . getting good sleep isn't quite as important.